Tissue, y no 8 hours of sleep

Ladies and Gentlemen,
This is a hold-up!!!

Heracles at Bulwagang Mestra Osang @ CEU Manila

I’ve been on a writing hiatus for so long, my fingers itch for some action.

Staging a comeback? Yes, what better partner than WordPress?? Can not think of no another.

A compliment to WordPress? Definitely.

Well, what should I write about?

I say that WordPress is complicated, unlike other blogging sites.

That is, in a good way.

Where’s the challenge? As they say,

So, what have I been up to today?

Not much I can say.

What can one do in a house with few or lack thereof furniture?

I have watched Glee season 2 again & again, I love Glee & all but I’ve watched it too much.

& I thought that as a gleek, I could never get enough of Glee,

Guess I spoke too soon. Like I always do,

I’ve listened to all the new songs in my external hard drive.

A few minutes to go, I feel a nose bleed coming.

Hyperbole, that’s how I roll.

Where’s the thrill if I keep it un-hyperbole? (Is that even gramatically correct? Well, scratch that, moving on…)

None, no thrill whatsoever, I presume.

& hey, the people go for thrill.

It’s what keeps life amusing.

Life sucks & then we die.

Pardon the pun,

What does pun mean anyway?

The pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play which suggests two or more meanings, by exploiting multiple meanings of words, or of similar-sounding words, for an intendedhumorous or rhetorical effect.

To remain un-sue-able (Again, another controversial new word from mwa…), I have to say that the statement above is from wikipedia.com; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pun

Sooo. I guess, you guys don’t have to pardon my pun then? I didn’t commit any pun. Maybe, I’ll work on the pun dishing. It’s definition is too complicated for my puny brain. I’ll have to do my research, & that’s an understatement.

Moving on,

Philippines is mourning Aj Perez’s death.

Who is Aj Perez anyway?

Well,

According to Wikipedia.com dudes & dudettes:

Antonello Joseph Sarte Perez (February 17, 1993 – April 17, 2011)^[1] was a Filipinoactor. He was a member of ABS-CBN’s circle of homegrown talents collectively known as Star Magic. He was launched as a member of Star Magic Batch 13. He portrayed one of the lead characters in the 2009 miniseries Your Song Presents: Underage.^[2]

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AJ_Perez

I was laying in bed this morning when a friend of mine, Kim Advincula Belara texted me.

It was something about a car accident in Tarlac.

My iPhone beeped once more,

Aj Perez’s name appeared in the message preview.

In my mind, I was like:

What does Aj Perez have to do with the previous message? I bet, Kim committed a wrongsent message.

But the back of my mind knew or was formulting that:

Connecting the two messages, means, Aj Perez is the one pertained to in the first message.

I did not want to believe myself.

I know, I’m not a friend or one of his biggest fans.

But I was dumbfounded & clearly shocked,

What a great way to start the day, irony*

Knowing Aj Perez as the actor, artist & teen heartthrob that he ‘is or was’;

I feel really sad, in tagalog, sayang is the only word to suffice how I elt at the time.

Why? He is only 18. I know, 18 is 18. It’s eighteen years of life, but that’s at the least. What about the rest of his unforeseen years? Now, it will be all about what ifs; what could have beens.

Life is too short. It really is.

One moment, he was with his fans; tweeting about his trip home.

The other, he is pronounced dead at 12:20 a.m.; April 17, 2010.

See?

Life, a four letter word like love that, seems simple considering the number of letters that compose it & its length. Yet a concept too complicated, a concept of depth that not even the greatest philosophers can fully, completely describe & decipher.

Why waste our time finding life’s (& love’s) full & complete meaning when we can use that time to be out there, actually living it (life). Am I right?

Deep in my heart, I know somehow that I am.

To the one who will accomplish the task of finding life’s true meaning, kudos to you.

I’ll just get back to you on that congratulations spiel, I’ll be busy living my life then.

How many moments, people, opportunities missed; How many should pass us by before we realize that life moves too fast for further thinking. Let us grab what pass us by as they do; They may come back but will never be as they were. Past, events that were done can be remembered but can never be recreated exactly. People who we have forsaken & have moved on, though how much we wish it were possible, nothing will be the same between parties.

Thinking too much, it’s good for the future. That is if you are one who looks at the big picture. But where’s that big picture when it lacks bits. It will be one incomplete piece.

Fragments create a whole; The greater the effort; quality put into a fragment, the greater the picture. The stronger, rather, sharper edge it will have amongst others.

Why look at the big picture, why look forward to what you can change tomorrow? When tomorrow may not even come, not necessarily for you, but for others. Vice-versa.

I am not implying that we, literally, should not look forward to the future; plan for it, or make up for our trespasses but in a sense wanting a realization from you that there is today. 24 hours in that day, in which we can show our love & appreciation for ourselves & for those around us. To make a friend out of an enemy, to fix problems or broken friendships. To bond with another. To accomplish a goal; to reach a dream. & so on.

Live today. Live, Laugh, Love. The 3 Ls that of which you can never go wrong.

Regrets on being too out there; are regrets I’d rather have aby day, than to regret doing, saying nothing at all.

Life is a gift, we must live it.

Reading my old blog posts, 

Writer spirit awakened

Now, it’s time to swallow my bitterness

& write with all the gusto I’ve been holding unto

Writing_Gives me that edge

Makes me different

A field where I can do no wrong

My passion

What God bestowed upon me, 

What I left a year ago,

I will pick up & never let go

I lost a part of me,

Now I am completely Bea <3

A part of me now has returned

Happy : D

-zacharylevi:

Blair: ‘Dear Serena, my world is falling apart and you’re the only one who would understand. My father left my mother for a 31 year old model; a male model. I feel like screaming because I don’t have anyone to talk to. [Serena looks at Blair sympathetically]
You’re gone. My dad’s gone. Nate’s acting weird. Where are you? Why don’t you call? Why did you leave without saying goodbye? [Blair and Serena are now both at the verge of tears] You’re supposed to be my best friend. I miss you so much. Love Blair.’ [Blair now stops reading from the letter and puts it back inside the envelope. She looks up at Serena]
Serena: Why didn’t you send it? I could’ve-
Blair: -You could’ve what! [Blair is now choked up with tears and her voice is breaking] You knew Serena and you didn’t even call.
Serena: I didn’t know what to say to you. I didn’t know how to be your friend after what I did. I’m so sorry.

infamouslandlubber:

‎ENEMY - HAHAHAHA! Serves you right!

FRIEND - Okay…

GOOD FRIEND - Aww cheer up. You’ll do better next time.

BEST FRIEND - HAHAHAHA! I FAILED TOO! HIGH-FIVE!

REBLOG THIS IF YOU LOVE YOUR BESTFRIEND!

(via lovedbythatguy)

aintborntipycal:

Happy B-DAY lovely, amazing Leighton!

sweetskybridgeseventeen asked: Thankyou!! xx

no prob : D

Papa,

Where do I even begin? I’ll start with a “Happy Birthday!”.

I want to apologize for the newest shenanigan that you got mad at me for. I’m sorry. I thought that it was nothing. I thought that it was not a big deal. Not until you called me personally, an international call at that. I will accept that scolding and its consequences like I always do.

What else? I apologize for the past seventeen years of my life that I have angered you or that I have come too short. That I failed to surpass al your expectations and break your heart time and time again. All the things I did that disappointed you.

Honestly, I always felt the pressure to be perfect. To reach what I know in my abilities that I cannot. I was always envious of people who were ahead of me, envious of other kids my age who have the perfect family. To state that my failure, is all my fault. Not yours. My failure is not your fault by mine. It pains me that I strive to be at my best but along the path, I lose my way. It has happened to me more than I could count. Yet, you are still there with that patience. Which I have taken for granted my whole life, your love, which I have also taken for granted. Then I thought, one of these days you will lose it and leave me. Your patience will fail you and I see myself, homeless, alone in the alley, hungry, dirty.

When I was riding a jeep home one day, I was thinking of that one phone call. What came to my mind surprised me, suddenly, I was thinking of leaving home. Thinking of a college offering a scholarship for working students. Thinking of a place where I can stay. Weighing my choices. Then, I thought of Mama; You, Foxxy and all my friends. All the things, I WOULD LOOSE if my thoughts came alive. How could I live without all I have? Not the material things but the people who have been with me. I thought, I cannot go back once I left. I cannot see you all just like that. Where do I start with that new life? Where do I get the money to survive? How do I get that money?

Pa, I’m not doing so well in Biology. Now, I want to say that I want to shift. I really do. I bit off more than I could chew. I thought that if I do well in Bio and became a doctor someday, you will be proud of me and all my trespasses will be forgiven. Even if you transfer me to another school, as long as I will be taking up Mass Communications, then fine by me. That’s what I really want to do. I know it’s not a course that will raise me up on the highest bar of the social pedestal. YET I know in my heart that taking this course will make me happy.

Another confession: I want to be a born again Christian. No one influenced me, one day, I attended one of their “mass” and I felt the goosebumps. It was the good kind of goosebumps. With the pastor’s words, the band music playing: I sang along and realized for the first time in my life that I AM NOT ALONE and that GOD was always with me. Going to church, as a Roman Catholic, I felt really weary and that the mass was always identical. I can say what the priest is saying; I say his words with him as the mass goes on. Unlike in the Born Again mass wherein I get to listen to music and reflect.

But if you do not agree with my wanting to shift or become a Born Again Christian, then I will obey whatever you ask of me.

I have always been stubborn and disobedient. Now, I am ready to be the opposite. I frankly declare that my whole life was immersed in Envy, Pride and Sloth. I want to change that. I want to renew myself and live happily under your rules. I want everyone to be proud of me. I want everyone to get along. I do not want to cause more ruckus. I no longer want to wallow in self-pity, feel like I’m all alone and be frustrated all the time.

You know I love you, Pa. I love Mama too. So much.

Another confession: The first time I felt self-pity was when you and Mama was shouting at each other one night. I cried myself to sleep, I had to hold ate Kim’s hand for me to be able to sleep. I thought. I WAS PITIFUL. That is where the history of my self-pity began.

I hated you. For hurting Mama. I hated the two of you for ruining my perfect idea of a family. I hated you for the pride you were showing never realizing that anger was consuming my heart. I hated how our lives went on. Never having a closure. A wound I WILL CARRY WITH me for the rest of my life.

So, amidst your complicated status. I mean, your relationship with Mama. I will leave my thoughts aside. AND MOVE FORWARD for myself. I WILL CHANGE myself before I meddle in couple talk. I know that one day, everything will go back to the way it was. Everything will be okay. My wounds would heal. I will be okay. Our family will be okay. After 7 years ( I think) of worrying about the family thing, I’m finally letting go. Who am I to comment? I am just a child, lacking of experience and I am not the one undergoing the hardships. My hardships are measly, in comparison to what the adults undergo.

I do not want to immerse myself in negativity any longer. I want to go back to my old self, my pre-teen years when I was happy and cheerful. When all I had to think about was school and being with mama;relatives at home.

What else? Have I run out of things to say? I guess I never will.

If I could turn back the time and change everything. You know I would. But doing so, I will never be the BEA that I am today. I guess, that I am stronger now and more open-minded. I am no longer a hypocrite.

What are the rules in your household again? Please state them again. I will follow them all.

ALL I WANT is for you to be happy and be proud of me. To make something out of myself. Be happy. Be in a course or career that I’m truly interested in. Wherein I can be myself; excel at the same time. Be a PALACA in my own right. Not the PALACA who is just your daughter. I want to be known as BEA MARIE PALACA. Not by my family name.

I WANT TO PROVE ALL THE OTHERS WRONG and show that I will excel in what I choose to do. To be proud and confident in myself and not compare myself or be envious of others. In the end of the day, to sleep peacefully and with a peace of mind and HEART.

The phrase I CAN DO NO WRONG; will be, I CAN DO WRONG and there is still a place; people who will like me and welcome me no matter what.

AGAIN Papa, I LOVE YOU. Happy Birthday once again. : )

Bea

I just lost someone I love. I lost my best friend in him as well. It’s like, all that’s significant with him is forever tainted by what just happened. 

Mary Perl Abucejo; Everything is planned by God. Long before this moment, He has already planned who I will be, what I will be, and DEFINITELY WHO WILL BE WITH ME. Instead of being sad right now, I have a smile on my face that I’m one step closer to finding that one person, JUST FOR ME.

I will cry for a minute or two, but after that, I’ll be over you.